


Double Entendre

by rivendellrose



Category: Star Trek: Discovery
Genre: Awkward Conversations, F/M, Gen, Klingons Don't Have Great Medical Practices, Past Relationship(s), Reunions Over Subspace, Unpleasant Medical Things Played Somewhat Comedically
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-28
Updated: 2018-02-28
Packaged: 2019-03-25 00:32:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,823
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13822716
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rivendellrose/pseuds/rivendellrose
Summary: As the Klingon war fades into a tenuous peace, Michael finds out some information she could have done without knowing, and decides she needs to call someone up to discuss the new information.





	Double Entendre

**Author's Note:**

> Spoilers through the end of S1.
> 
> So, I was a little late to the whole [apparently Klingons have two penises](https://www.dailydot.com/parsec/star-trek-discovery-klingon-penis/?tu=gav) revelation because I was distracted during the scene in the finale that proved it and thought the person in question was an Orion. My bad. But this led, when someone pointed out the fact, to... well... thoughts about our resident semi-Klingon and his experience in regards to this. And I thought, well, Michael's going to find out about this at some point. And, I dunno, I think if I were in her shoes I might have some feelings about that.
> 
> Thanks as usual to [gaslightgallows](http://archiveofourown.org/users/hearts_blood/pseuds/gaslightgallows) and my husband for reading the draft and providing encouragement.

The end of the war and the ensuing peace between Qo'noS and the Federation brought a newly freed flow of information between the two powers. At first, Michael Burnham did her best to ignore this. She was pleased to have brought an end to the war, but she didn't want to know more about the Klingons. She knew enough.

That wasn't an easy position for a xenoanthropologist to maintain, however -- particularly not one as naturally curious as Michael was. She easily disregarded the first few academic articles that passed through her inbox after the slow opening of cultural exchange between the two cultures as mere rehashes of old information mixed with the news of the day. She had no need to read tired retreads of the basics. The breathless media analysis of a few of L'Rell's first speeches was likewise uninteresting to her, but after a few months she was pleasantly surprised to find an interview with Admiral Cornwell talking about her experiences with the new leader of the united Klingon empire, and about talks they planned to hold in the coming months. About the potential for cultural exchange, though cautious and tenuous. 

It wasn't too much longer before scientists and doctors from medical worlds began to publish information about Klingon biology and culture that they'd gleaned both during and after the war. And at some point after that Michael Burnham's limitless curiosity about alien species finally overrode her aversion to everything Klingon, and she read a paper on basic comparative physiology.

And then read it again, more carefully. 

Then set it aside and stared into empty space for an undetermined but probably quite long period of time.

"Are you okay?" Tilly asked, apparently out of nowhere.

Michael looked up from her now cold tea. "I'm... fine."

"Okay." Tilly sat down across from her. "You don't seem fine. I mean, I know we're not roommates anymore, but I'd like to think we're still friends, and--"

"Of course we're still friends."

"And even though you keep things pretty buttoned up, I think I can tell when you're okay and when you're not, more or less. Or at least when you're _really_ not okay. Which... is kind of how you're looking right now."

"I was just doing some reading." Michael picked up the data padd, relieved that she'd powered it down before Tilly arrived so she couldn't possibly have seen the text. "And I need to talk to someone."

"Okay..."

"Sorry, Tilly." Michael dredged up a smile as she stood. "I'm okay, really. It's just... not really a conversation I'm looking forward to having."

"Oh. Yeah. I have that kind of thing all the time with my mom." Tilly stood up and hugged her. "If you want to talk later--"

"I'll come find you," Michael assured her. _And tell you absolutely_ nothing _about what the actual conversation I'm about to have was about..._

* * * 

Michael made the call from her quarters, and the wait of only a few seconds while it connected might as well have been years for how she felt them, dreading that she be faced with an unfamiliar monster... or, worse, the monster who had held his hands around her throat and tried to kill her. 

But when the comm call picked up, it was only Ash on the other side, wearing the same black leather jacket that had been between them when they kissed goodbye, and looking at her with dark eyes that hoped and feared in equal parts. "Hey." He scrubbed a hand through his hair. "You okay? I mean, it's great to see you. You can call any time you want. I just... wasn't really expecting--"

"Klingons have two penises."

Ash blinked and did a strange sort of half-nod, half-head roll that made her heart hurt--it was just so _him_. "Yeah. Yeah, they do. I, uh... That's not actually news to me."

"I know, but you don't."

"Nope. I... definitely think that would've been a giveaway. Not just on my medical exam when I came aboard Discovery, but... I mean, you probably would've noticed that, too."

"They--" The sound of blood was rushing in her ears, and she made herself breathe, think through some of her old Vulcan calming techniques. "The surgery that made Voq into Ash Tyler..."

"Well... yeah."

Nausea overwhelmed Michael for an instant, and she turned aside to retch. When she looked back at the screen, Ash looked worried. "Sorry," she said after a long moment. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay."

"It isn't. At all. That... that is the kind of thing that is the opposite of okay."

"Well... I mean, yeah." He shifted uncomfortably. "Voq made the decision to go through with that, though. He... it was informed consent. He knew what he was getting into, by the time it happened."

"But you remember it."

Ash frowned. "The other--?"

"No, I mean the surgery!" 

"Oh. Right. I mean, yeah. Klingons..." He shifted again, then crossed his arms over his chest and sighed. "They don't really believe in anesthesia. It's... it's cowardly. I... Voq had some blood wine, and the rest he just... handled. So yeah. I remember."

"And that doesn't _bother_ you?"

"Of course it bothers me. I don't like remembering all of that. But that part isn't any worse than having the skin basically flayed from my whole body. There's a reason that those memories bled out as memories of torture. Obviously I didn't remember them cutting off my penis at the time, it was all sublimated and obscured by the later personality graft. But I sure as hell remembered being in a world and a half of pain."

"Right. Right." Michael rested her forehead against her hand, which felt blessedly cool in comparison to the heat on her face. This whole conversation was unreal. Talking with both her boyfriend and her attempted murderer, who were the same person, about the surgery that had transformed him from an enemy into the man she loved. "I shouldn't have called."

"I'm glad you did." Ash's hand moved toward the screen, then carefully, deliberately, lowered again. "It's good talking to you."

 _I can't say the same._

But she couldn't make the words come out. She'd called him, after all, and, anyway, it wasn’t entirely the truth. It _was_ good talking to him, seeing him again, even if it also made all the pain and sick horror that had been festering beneath the surface rush, screaming, back into the forefront of her mind. She drew in a slow breath and let it out. "I should go."

"Okay. But... any time, Michael. Like I said. Even if..." He laughed softly and shook his head. "No matter _what_ you want to talk about. It's good just to see you, and hear your voice for a little while. Hear English again. You don't have to. I get it if you don't want to. But if you do, or if you need something... I'm here."

"Yeah." Michael reached for the cut-off, then hesitated. She'd never asked back... "You're okay?"

Some of the tension in his face left, and he looked both tired and sad even as he smiled. "I'm okay. It's... strange, being here, but L'Rell needs an adviser, now, who understands the Federation. I'm hoping I can keep her from making any blunders that might lead us back into war. She's hoping that, too. I know you didn't get the chance to know her long enough to see it, but she's a good person. And she's turning out to be a good leader."

"You're..." Michael swallowed, remembering the very different things Ash had said about the same woman in a very different conversation months earlier. "You two are..."

"No." There wasn't any hesitation or doubt there, and it twisted Michael's guts to think of how relieved she was of that. How glad, and how angry at herself for being glad. "Voq is dead. The man she loved... he's gone, and I might carry his memories, but I'm not him. She..." He laughed a little. "When she realized that I'd remembered their times together as her raping me, Ash, she told me the thought of having sex with a Human male disgusted her." He seemed to hear the words as he spoke them and frowned. "That... sounds worse to say than it felt."

"No, I'm glad. I think... I'm too used to thinking of her as your rapist, too."

"I know. But she wasn't. It was all... kind of a misunderstanding, I guess, in a way."

"That's good." Michael nodded, even though she wasn't sure what she was nodding about. "I'm... glad for you."

"Thanks." Hollow and thin as the words felt, Ash appeared to take them in uncomfortable earnest. "Anyway. I'm glad you're okay. I heard they gave you your rank back, and cleared your charges, and I was happy for you, but I didn't want..." He shrugged, overly casual. "I wasn't sure if you'd welcome a message of congratulations."

"I appreciate it." Michael ran the last few minutes of conversation through in her mind. "...This has to be the strangest conversation any two people have ever had."

This time, Ash's smile was a lot more like what she remembered from the good old days. "Yeah. Probably. Still nice to have it, though. I know you've gotta go, and I... probably have some communiques or something that L'Rell will need me to look over. Or another Klingon who wants to try to prove himself by insulting her pet Human."

"You _are_ okay, though, right? Because if you're not--"

"Discovery has better things to do than rescue me from a few brash insults. And I'm fine, anyway. My skin's not so thin I can't take it, and... it turns out between Voq's memories and Ash Tyler's, I'm not bad at coming up with insults right back."

"But you're _safe_ ," Michael pressed, hating the ball of fear that settled in her throat at the thought of him, alone among Klingons again. _They're his own people, as much as Humans are. And he's not alone._

This time he did reach out for the screen, and touch the edge of it very gently. "I am, Michael. I'm fine, I promise. I'm a hell of a lot more use to L'Rell alive than I am dead, if nothing else, and I know how to take care of myself. Even here." He swallowed and forced a smile. "This is Voq's home, and he knew how to survive it. So do I, now."

"Okay." Michael licked her lips, and nodded, and... tried not to feel like there was a lot going unsaid. "Be good," she said at last. It had worked once before, at least, when she couldn't think how else to say goodbye. 

He nodded. "I know you will. But... don't feel like you have to do it all alone."

The lump in her throat tried to come back, and she swallowed it down. "Goodbye, Ash."

"Goodbye, Michael."


End file.
